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Sunday, August 6; disease

august is here. ive got a disastrous week ahead. with more than just numerous things to do. i need octopusal handling power to settle them. i should be using this time now to finish up my assignments, to study, or just do something school-related.

but it's Sunday night dammit. this blog knows how i hate Sunday nights. always. it becomes a night, that i stare out in space more often than anything else, or subconsciously, i want to keep doing that stoning and daydreaming - a form of individual escapism, as the night continues to roll and laugh at how my silly mind can work.

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have you had this disgusting emotional feeling:

the one you desire for something so so so much, it miraculously appears and you enjoy it. however, due to circumstances, it has to fade away, or rather be forcefully taken away without consent. you take time to heal that pain, to get used to the new space that you reluctantly silently hate. and when you thought that you're strong enough to carry on without harbouring much thought about its absence, it enters that special space again. naturally, you are delighted. you love and absolutely embrace that desire again. you become happier, since well, that space has been filled up again. then suddenly, or maybe due to initial illusional denying of the truth, this desire is rudely removed again.

immediately, almost instantly, that space becomes wider, the hole is deeper, like a tiny tear on a fabric manifesting into a huge gaping split. the length increases, the depression is deeper, width, breadth - whatever, all increases in every nanosecond at an uncontrollable speed.

slowly, creeping into that hole, is the weight of the situation. the emptiness, the vacuum, the lackthereof. like a disease it spreads. overtaking the mind, depriving it of mental stimulation, paralyzing it from its usual activity of madness and capability.



i get that feeling replayed over and over and over and over again. every weekend. every sunday.

you do that to me, you know. every time.

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