ever felt like you had more to lose if you werent up to a task because of other people but not yourself?
as in, like you felt that if you didnt do something right or proper, you'd be disappointing the people around you alot.
ok even if these people don't show that they are upset, disappointed, let down by something you didnt, couldnt do, you'd feel very responsible for how things were or how they felt. even if they didnt show it.
you'd somehow feel guilty that you didnt do or did the things you were suppose or not suppose to do.
you'd wish you could have done something to reverse the causal effect that you have created or somewhat involved in.
even if it werent solely your fault, you'd feel weight of guilt pressing against whatever piece of you is left.
after shrinking yourself into a tiny speck of dust that you hoped no one would discover or find out, or ask you what happened.
somehow, it just feels that as though you are to complete that task or whatever it is because of someone or others, and not for your own accomplishment. and im not saying it in such a way where youre being forced to do so and you feel agitated or angry that you didnt have that 'back out' choice.
so anyway, even if it isnt for that person or people, you just feel like it is. you feel really really responsible.
that weight can be really hard to bear.
and to walk around like you really dont care cos "well, (un)predictable situations happen"
is even harder to do.
Labels: wounded
