ok ok i have to admit. ive got
huge loads of work to do. seriously. the tail end of the semester is here and it happens when the tail's scorched but not on fire just yet. but yesterday i got a
huge overdue dosage of grey's
(this is when wwei gets a super duper big hug for delivering the medication to me; i just handle the prescriptions myself ;] )the thing is, grey's always makes me think. it makes me think, wonder and ponder over things that i guess i keep hidden away under a thick floormat.
ever been in a huge dilemma?
the kind when you have no idea which to choose simply because, both choices are good to have, but they are
mutually exclusive.
they don't happen together because they can't be.
you sit down, mentally weigh both pros and cons of each choice; hoping that the logical method would help in making your decision better.
but it doesnt.
somewhere else in your heart, probes the emotional section of the brain. telling it things that its logically friend didn't take into account. like intangibles in a financial balance sheet.
and even so, you realise that you are weighing your pros and cons base on assumptions, predictions and trends that you conjure of your own; discounting that 10% possibility that those assumptions, predictions and trends will change.
then you're back to
square one.
you have no idea what to do.
it's like treading on a circus line suspended between two worlds.
you can't tell your heart which choice to make, which decision to stick by.
do you go with the choice that is better for you and that makes everything seem fall in place, like a happy ending.
or do you go with the choice that you are silently wanting, but yet everything about it is uncertain and unsure, and the ending is unstable and unpredictable.
you are afraid of regret.
you are afraid of making the wrong chess move.
you are afraid of hurting.
you are afraid of making unnecessary mistakes.
you are afraid that everything will crumble and not go the way you assume, predict and hope to have.
yet you are afraid you are losing out.
and there's no one to tell you where to go, what to do and how to react.
you are left with no answer to step forward from the space that you are currently occupying.
it makes you tempted to shove the whole issue below that dusty floormat again.
telling yourself, you will settle this issue the next time it comes up, the next time it resurfaces, the next time it stands right in front of your eyeballs for your attention.
the next time when you have the strength and courage to face it with both logic and emotion.
and to ultimately make the decision on which choice to take a step with.
the
better, or the
one?
"So, what does this mean?" "It means you have a choice. You have a choice to make."Labels: insides, ponder, quotes
