many times, at the most uncalled for or random moments, i feel like a schizophrenic.
one day, you can feel biased towards something, other days you feel nonchalant.
one day, you can feel like you need this, but other days you dont even thinking about it.
one day, you tell yourself what you want, but on another day, you doubt yourself.
one day you can be so strong about your stand, but you are quick to falter and doubt on another.
the list can go on, and there's nothing to stop your mind from swinging back and forth that pendulum - which really pisses the logical, 'objective', decisive side of you.
it's like being lost on unfamiliar ground. running to different exits trying to figure a way out so that you can find something familiar.
but thing is that, what if everything is familiar to you, but yet that point of schizophrenia gets to you: doubting you, questioning you, poking at how strong you are and you get that feeling you are going to cave in any moment.
how do you really know what is right? or what you really want? or what should be done? or even be sober from the perplexity to think of it with a straight mind?
or maybe this is just me. and not anyone else.
i obviously don't know what really happens inside the mind of a schizo, but i can guess that it really sure feels something like that (or worse).
and like them, you are left confused and annoyed, usually in a state of feeling useless or worthless.
you know what, if you dont really get what i'm saying, it's ok. cos i don't really know either. looks like the pendulum has already started swinging.
Labels: insides, jittery
