You know when you're in the right mood to embrace change. When on that given day and moment, you grow to have this inner energy spreading throughout your veins, reaching out to every inch and corner of your body - that tells you, that you want that change.
That excitement, the sense of suspense, the dripping excess of adrenaline. It just wipes your brain out of negative thoughts, summoning what you may call insanity that at that point, could really just be bravery and courage. Just to take that, giant, small, tiny or huge, step.
You feel like you can conquer the world with that. And you possibly could with all that self-confidence and peaking self-esteem levels, you just know you can.
But when you get sucked in by that dark corner in your mind, you change. Momentarily or for long periods of time.
That corner, is filled with too much suspicion, hate and unpleasant strong vibes which even your instinct sometimes tells you to stop starring at.
While other times you have the strength to fight against it, walk away and throw that corner to where it belongs. Walking away, with strong poise and grandeur.
However, there are times, you get too curious for your own good.
Curiosity killed the cat, remember? The more you wonder what that corner has, lives or breeds, the stronger it gets you to take a step closer to it.
Somehow it has something inhuman, something uncontrollable to you, something you just cannot comprehend, something that just consumes you with vulnerability and weakness.
Because whatever that is there, knows your weakness you keep in that mind. It thrives on that.
Other times, it's just so hard to look at change, bright brilliant beautiful change, when you have your little finger is just lightly tapping on the past.
You just long for that familiarity, what you remember of it and wish nothing else would matter.
The good memories of the past. Maybe only those you want to think about, remember or keep. But nevertheless, still the ones that make you close your eyes and imagine. Only imagine what it was before. Those that you can only bring with you in your mind, and not experience it as you remember it, again.
It just won't be the same.
This is when change would come down and sweep you off your feet, hoping you wont look back while you're soaring into the air. Not until (or maybe never) you're well above the ground.
Labels: insides
