i'm not sure how to gauge this new year.
i've put off the post entry for christmas and post-christmas, end of the year and what not but all that got thrown into dust when i just didnt get the spark or drive to really pen what i felt. and then, fatigue from meetings, some parties and late nights ate me up and all took over.
i didnt manage to do what i had initially set that out to do before the year ended. who wouldve really known that the time between advent and the end of the year was so near and threatening? i didnt realise. so no i didnt go for that confession or did i do that packing of memories.
and the list gets longer. adds on to the fact that with this (strangely long-er feeling) festive period, time is so stretched that work has been thrown and spilled over the edges, leaving them untouched and undone. (i'm sorry i have 15 unread work emails, i'll get to it soon, really.)
yet i'm looking back not sure how i've managed to fair and and what have i done that deserves a pat or chstisement. cos they seem to tiptoe along the fine line.
maybe that confession was timely not to have cos maybe now it can be accumulated, albeit a more severe penance. or maybe it's just loosen up and tasting a little more of life ive not dared to step at. i really don't know how to look at it.
well come on, i actually got back home on new year's at 4am (yes, i have my usual curfew) and with a boy (to stayover cos he didnt have his keys. separate beds la) in tow. totally not SOP eh haha
when do you push your boundaries? or what you believed were?so really, maybe i'm a little hesitant, a little nervous, a little scared of what i'm facing and maybe the black list of sins i'm chalking up, or maybe a little excited about how things are turning up. i really don't know.
pushing boundaries, erasing pencil marks, stepping beyond lines and kissing unfamiliarity and uncertainty. excitement, anxiety, arousal or guilt?
so really, i don't know how to gauge this new year.happy new year to all anyway :) hope this year's a good year for you guys to enjoy and love life a little more :)
Labels: insides, jittery
