in confusion, fear and guilt, you can really scare yourself.
making yourself wonder, who's this person you're seeing at the mirror, who's this person you saw the night before with your friends, who's this person you're living in.
your life moves on an automatic travelator, and it moves without a 'stop' button. even at your most desperate need and want, there isn't even one for you to do an emergency halt.
so as you're travelling on it and when you get the chance to sit and stone, you turn your head around to replay, re-experience and revisit the last scene you were shooting in. maybe out of curiosity, maybe just a reflection.
and then sometimes that scene shows images you're not prepared for. when some aren't in sync with what you thought would be. actions, thoughts, emotions, reactions aren't in line with what you thought was. in fact, they move along chronologically, as fluid as liquid and as systematic as clockwork. all without your awareness and processing without your acknowledgement.
does it scare you? does it surprise you? does it leave you in shock on what you are capable of doing that you didn't think you could? does it make you wonder how vulnerable you are, to yourself?
that the enemy you're trying to fight, could really just be you?
Labels: insides, ponder
