it's the nagging feeling.
it isn't awful, neither is it disastrous, but it's just annoying. because it's just there and you can't make it go away immediately, at will or now.
it's this strange level of consciousness. one that seems to hit you, an introspective awareness that rises in you.
it brings along the likely company of friends like shock, loneliness, sadness, emptiness, hurt, haha and maybe the departure of stupidity and ignorance. but also the possible inclusion into the party of friends like strength, new will, consciousness or even avoidance and denial.
in fact, that new strength can go many ways; you use it to hold back, use it to hold on, use it to pretend things are as they are. or use it to quicken the path, use it to run past the reminders, use it to fast forward.
how do you move between those states? do they happen simultaneously? i hardly think warnings take place prior to its execution and implementation. does it take place without you actually knowing it? is it better not to know? do you feel more, when knowing?
is it in search for the better part of yourself?
knowing is one thing but
letting go,
is one that just needs time.
likely the last post of another passing year, hopefully not the last;
happy new year, all. :)
